Or, Why I'm Evil.
First, a disclaimer: I'm going to try and keep this coherent. However, it will almost assuredly wind up much less coherent than it seemed in the shower when I was talking to myself.
Why I'm Evil.
It's actually rather simple. And I hate to say it, but it actually can be summed up as rebellion (shot me now, please). My saving grace in this respect, however, is not that it's rebellion against society, or my parents, or my upbringing, or anything like that, but rather institutionalized tyranny. In other words, I'm evil for actual rebellion, even if the thing against which I rebel isn't real.
The thing is that, here in the west, Good is inexorably linked to God, specifically the Abrahamic God, and even more specifically, the Christian God, whom I refer to as the Patriarch.
What this ultimately comes down to is the fact that God represents, to be honest, intolerance, oppression, and tyranny. Look at the bible, and ignore the dead hippie. When you look at what "God, the Father" did, and said, and endorsed (Leviticus!) it is patently wrong. Intolerance of the men and women from the forests who were said to be wise and learned in the ways of magic (witches and pagans), or those who eschewed procreative sex and relationships to be with those they truly loved when their gender was the same. Oppression in the form of dictating what you can do, when, and with whom (and for how many pickles). Oppression of natural desires, which he calls sins, natural desires which would have been placed within us by his creating hand. Tyranny in that it doesn't matter how good you are, as much as whose name in which you do good. A Wiccan who lives their entire life never grievously going against the rules of the church (even insofar as to never actually do magic) and helps people unselfishly, and gives of themselves completely is still doomed to Hell simply because they worshiped the wrong invisible friend.
This is what christianity silently endorses. Sure they say they don't, but if that's true... why do all these things still apply? Moreover, what does Satan and his "evil" legions do in christianity? Well, there's some bullshit about being the source of the world's ills that doesn't really jive with the whole free will thing, but really the only thing Satan and his horde does is "lead people away from God." Seriously. That's it. It's like saying your sister who gives your kids candy when you would normally specifically forbid it is evil for so doing.
So honestly, that's to what it comes down. In my cultural milieu, "Good" means "witches, gays, fornicators, and non-christians go to hell, do not pass go, do not collect 200 virtue bucks" and "Evil" means "play with magic, love and fuck who you want without some silly societal construct, and worship how and who you feel is right." "Evil" in my culture is freedom.
Now, before anyone brings up the idea that Satan is to blame for axe murderers, look at how many people kill in the name of God. Look at how many wars are fought in his name in the bible. Look at how many people he himself kills or turns into pillars of salt. Tell me, now, seriously, do you really think that killing has anything to do with what banner you fly? No, people are murderous bastards.
So why do I call myself evil? Or not object when others do? It's because in my culture, I follow he who is known as the greatest evil to exist, even if only spiritually, and even if he's not actually "evil" in any real sense of the word. He doesn't even actually harm your soul, because if sin and Satan caused any actual harm to your soul than wouldn't damnation logically result in a completely destroyed soul, and thus negate the need for a hell? Or the possibility of redemption and salvation?
There's a bit more, though, really. I really hate the whole "good=light, dark=evil" equivocation of western society. That and the very much lesser seen, though certainly still extant "civilization=good, nature=evil" equivocation. I very much like darkness, in preference over light, to be honest, so long as it's not inhibiting what I want to do, and I love nature, I just also love my computer and mp3 player and cell phone. Light and darkness, civilization and nature are crap equivocations for good and evil, because neither scale is completely mutually exclusive. Light and darkness do mix, it's called twilight, and it's entirely possible for a nature lover to be hauling 60 pounds of electronics into the woods, possibly to record it without leaving a trace of himself behind, or to show others how wondrous it can be (Mr.s Stroud, Grylls, Irwin and Cousteau, this is for you.)
Now, in a cultural milieu where Good equals freedom and justice, sign me up for the light brigade, especially if evil equals tyranny, oppression and destruction. And if you're being really edgy, and your evil people are all shiny and "pure" and your good people are varied, eclectic, and possibly bearing traits of certain beasts of the field, I'm even more for it.
Get it now? It's not that I want to destroy the world, or kill all humans, or anything like that (not that I'm not tempted at times... mostly while working retail or driving), it's that I like freedom and true justice, and in the main influence upon my culture, you get a better shake out of those who have horns, than those who have halos.
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Thoughtful. (this is sigma999!)
ReplyDeleteThanks Sig. I've felt like this a long time, but never put it into words, figured it might help people understand the whole "dark lord of the sith" thing (as one friend puts it) better.
ReplyDeleteBut why define yourself in the context of a system of beliefs that you hate and which you find archaic and narrow minded? Why call yourself "evil" in order to essentially proclaim that you're against the established Christian hegemony and only "some" of its moral values?
ReplyDeleteLabeling yourself and sharing that label with others can be a worthwhile exercise if you want people to understand you and your beliefs better, but it seems purpose defeating if you choose to label yourself in a way that is commonly understood to mean something completely different than you intend.
For example, what if I go around telling everybody I'm a terrorist and my belief is terrorism when what I really mean is that I'm against the political/economic policies of the US government? While I can explain to people that I don't want to blow up Americans and that I'm opposed to American foreign policy, most people won't understand that when I tell them I'm a terrorist; they'll just think I have issues.
You have a well developed sense of yourself, your beliefs, your values and your worldview. You can choose to relish the idea that you're "evil" because you associate yourself with the persecuted and misunderstood, and thus you're against the religious hegemony, but is that how you want to define yourself and your life? Are you nothing more than the antithesis of medieval superstitions and the institutions that attempt to impose them by force? Or are you more than that, and perhaps more than any set of labels can define. Like political parties, self-labeling has the effect of making you more likely to conform to beliefs, ideas, or things that you associate with your label, regardless of how they mesh with your distinct core values.
You say you like to call yourself evil, but I say your inner person transcends that and all other labels. You're more complex than that, and telling people you're evil can hide that fact.
You're misssing the point... in our cultural milieu, good is "God" and evil is "against God", thus "don't be that, don't do that, and believe our way or suffer" vrs "do as you wish." Thus all who stand against, say, Prop 8, or religious wars, or the government setting up cameras in our bedrooms, are evil. I simply don't object to the label, because if they're seriously going to say tyranny and fear mongering are good, and freedom and justice are evil, then someone needs to show them their perspective is skewed by proudly bearing their label, and helping people while doing so.
ReplyDeleteBut only a small subset of society would see your labeling that way, namely, the religious far-right. And even then, they'll associate all the other things they associate with "evil" with you, such as lack of compassion for others, love of violence, greed, child molesting, rape, psychopathy etc. I'm saying our culture is not defined solely by the Christian right, even though it might seem like it sometimes since they are the most whiny and vocal members of our society right now. Your average American is probably Christian, but not aggressively or traditionally so.
ReplyDeleteIn the cultural milieu of atheists and agnostics, a group to which you more clearly belong, "good" means generally everything you uphold, and "evil" means generally everything you despise. So aside from the fact that labeling yourself at all puts you in a box, as I mentioned before, choosing which group your defining your label with respect to also limits your options. By calling yourself "evil" you convey different meanings to different groups (and I would argue that most of the time you won't convey your intended meaning to the group you're interested in representing yourself to anyway).
I understand your motivations for doing it completely, but I'm responding by asking you "is this really the most effective way to achieve your goals?"
I don't often call myself evil anymore, though I do like a lot of the trappings of villainy (hey, it's stylish), the post was more to explain why I associate(d) with evil.
ReplyDeleteGranted, gimme the guy with horns and hooves any day, but in a cultural milieu where good is justice, freedom, protection of the innocent, etc., like, for example, your agnostics and atheists, then yeah, I'm good. But for the major influence upon western civilization, I'm evil, and I'm not going to bother shouting at the wall on that particular issue.