I've gotten stuck in my ways in many areas. One of which is the belief that belief in god makes one an idiot. This is an over generalization of my actual feeling, but my mind works with it in an over-generalized way, so, it's even. The main focus of this belief is Christians, but it also gets applied to Muslims and Jews, and, honestly, people who believe in traditional gods. This belief comes mainly from two influences, Satanism and Transmetropolitan, and partially from a third, religious people I've met.
Satanism espouses, at least in the main book, a view point of "there's no divine force except us, so stop going on about god, so man up and be your own." Of course most satanists actually do nominally believe in an entity which answers to Satan as a positive and worship-able force. So, yeah. (This is one of the reasons I don't use the label anymore, there are others, but they're neither here nor there.)
In Transmetropolitan, the main character, Spider Jerusalem, is vociferously against religion. He sees it as nothing but trouble and human excuse. ...I suppose I may never quite shake this opinion of religion, though religion and believing in a higher power are not exactly the same thing. Then there are also religions that haven't been giant clusterfucks of atrocities and hypocrisy.
The thing is... all to often, I level this view point at all religious people, regardless of what they actually believe. I feel like I shouldn't use yet another thing from Transmet when I have so much to shake from it, but it does kind of obliquely make a point that believing in something is better than believing in nothing. While Christianity or Islam may be the Bob Heller of religion, Satanism, honestly, is the Smiler of religions. Which means that while it's caused many fewer deaths, it is actually worse.
See, here's the thing about Christianity, it believes "the righteous are rewarded, the wicked are punished, and if more people are fed than go hungry, we could be in a much worse situation, so, yeah." while Satanism believes in nothing save that it is supreme and should be supreme, purely by virtue of it being Satanism. I'm finessing focus a bit to help the analogy, but it does hold true.
So while there are some completely abhorrent things associated with the Abrahamic faiths, at least there are positive things too, where as Satanism has...no actual positive things associated with it. It has very few negative things, but... hm, it's like a reversal of the old joke about "you can thatch a thousand roofs, and you might get a kind of good reputation, but you fuck one goat, and you're Jimmy Goatfucker."
So, there's one thing I need to keep in mind right there. The religions I hate may have associations to some abhorrent and despicable things, but the actual people I meet day to day are likely good, if possibly somewhat misguided, people, more likely to wish someone good, or pray for in an emergency, than curse you for happening to like people with the same answer for the "tab/slot" questionnaire. And so, really, why hate? Most of them are good people. I may not always agree with them (in fact seldom if ever, I'm sure), at least on religious and "moral" matters, but, well, they're helpful. Their god may come off as an asshole to me, but they themselves actually want to help people. I may not see anything of worth or value or anything to appreciate or admire in their god, but the people... whether I see it or not, they do have, at least, favourable qualities.
And this isn't just Christians. It holds true for the rest of the Abrahamics, it holds true for pagans. Hell, it holds true... well fuck, the same thing that makes me give Christians the benefit of the doubt means I actually should extend even Satanists the same courtesy. Regardless of evidence to the contrary. The first Satanist was an undeniable asshole. There are people in Sweden whom burn down churches and shite in the name of Satan, and there are christian assholes, and Christians whom murder abortion-performing doctors in the name of God. So... who's perfect? Hell, who's the least tarnished? Even that's a difficult question to answer...
Anyway, belief is inherently good. It gives you something for which to strive. It gives you a framework from which to work. But belief can be harmful, much as my own was.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Statement 1: These Did Not Make Me...
I feel like they didn't so much shape me as display what was already there, which is how The Prince is there.
But honestly... it's a lie. These books did not shape me, they crafted a cheap impostor whom wears my skin and pretends to be a unique person.
In a moment, I will take these down, and put them in the proper places on my shelves, the sections they belong in according to subject. I will admit, I feel a deep desire to put something in their place, but it would be just as false as the current books. Anything currently put in that space would not truly be something which shaped me, but rather something I'm trying to be. At best I could put in this space books about early interests of mine, books about dinosaurs, and alien life, and ancient religion, but I'd be hard pressed to actually find such books in my room at the moment, and even then, it wouldn't be things that shaped or informed me, merely things I like. At least it's a bit more honest, but if that's the criteria, then eleven of the current books can stay.
I've a long way to go, and it starts with minuscule actions and efforts, and friends willing to help. If you visit my room after tonight, and see that these books have not moved, please smack me upside the head, I obviously need it.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The Corpse Was Already Rotting, Bury It Already
Zombies.
Yes, Zombies.
Look, I love them as much as the next nerd, and yes, there are still some interesting things that can be done with them (a post apocalyptic set webcomic centered on SurvivorPunk Velma and Feral Scooby kicking rotting ass would be awesome), but honestly, are we really going to beat it to death and beyond?
Lets see... we've had, in the last five years:
Zombieland
Land of the Dead
Resident Evil: Afterlife
Day of the Dead
Resident Evil: Extinction
Planet Terror
Doom
and that's just relatively big name movies. If I expand to all movies that have zombie as a keyword on IMDB from the last five years there are 659 movies (ok, including things scheduled for as far from now as 2013). If we add in tv, books, video games....
Jesus Fuck.
Now, like I said, I love zombies. Something about a faceless horde whose collective brains I am free to bash in and destroy with high powered weapons... And really it's not played out just yet. I think the concept is actually, strangely, relatively strong, in that we haven't completely overdone it yet. (How long did it take for vampires to get played out? Or maybe that was just Twilight's doing...) But let's quit while we're ahead, eh? Move onto a new favourite material, and let this one go gracefully, maybe it can be revisited without eyerolls sooner that way, eh?
Just a couple cents. It's time to put the zombies to bed, before they fall completely apart.
Yes, Zombies.
Look, I love them as much as the next nerd, and yes, there are still some interesting things that can be done with them (a post apocalyptic set webcomic centered on SurvivorPunk Velma and Feral Scooby kicking rotting ass would be awesome), but honestly, are we really going to beat it to death and beyond?
Lets see... we've had, in the last five years:
Zombieland
Land of the Dead
Resident Evil: Afterlife
Day of the Dead
Resident Evil: Extinction
Planet Terror
Doom
and that's just relatively big name movies. If I expand to all movies that have zombie as a keyword on IMDB from the last five years there are 659 movies (ok, including things scheduled for as far from now as 2013). If we add in tv, books, video games....
Jesus Fuck.
Now, like I said, I love zombies. Something about a faceless horde whose collective brains I am free to bash in and destroy with high powered weapons... And really it's not played out just yet. I think the concept is actually, strangely, relatively strong, in that we haven't completely overdone it yet. (How long did it take for vampires to get played out? Or maybe that was just Twilight's doing...) But let's quit while we're ahead, eh? Move onto a new favourite material, and let this one go gracefully, maybe it can be revisited without eyerolls sooner that way, eh?
Just a couple cents. It's time to put the zombies to bed, before they fall completely apart.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
My Manifesto
Or, Why I'm Evil.
First, a disclaimer: I'm going to try and keep this coherent. However, it will almost assuredly wind up much less coherent than it seemed in the shower when I was talking to myself.
Why I'm Evil.
It's actually rather simple. And I hate to say it, but it actually can be summed up as rebellion (shot me now, please). My saving grace in this respect, however, is not that it's rebellion against society, or my parents, or my upbringing, or anything like that, but rather institutionalized tyranny. In other words, I'm evil for actual rebellion, even if the thing against which I rebel isn't real.
The thing is that, here in the west, Good is inexorably linked to God, specifically the Abrahamic God, and even more specifically, the Christian God, whom I refer to as the Patriarch.
What this ultimately comes down to is the fact that God represents, to be honest, intolerance, oppression, and tyranny. Look at the bible, and ignore the dead hippie. When you look at what "God, the Father" did, and said, and endorsed (Leviticus!) it is patently wrong. Intolerance of the men and women from the forests who were said to be wise and learned in the ways of magic (witches and pagans), or those who eschewed procreative sex and relationships to be with those they truly loved when their gender was the same. Oppression in the form of dictating what you can do, when, and with whom (and for how many pickles). Oppression of natural desires, which he calls sins, natural desires which would have been placed within us by his creating hand. Tyranny in that it doesn't matter how good you are, as much as whose name in which you do good. A Wiccan who lives their entire life never grievously going against the rules of the church (even insofar as to never actually do magic) and helps people unselfishly, and gives of themselves completely is still doomed to Hell simply because they worshiped the wrong invisible friend.
This is what christianity silently endorses. Sure they say they don't, but if that's true... why do all these things still apply? Moreover, what does Satan and his "evil" legions do in christianity? Well, there's some bullshit about being the source of the world's ills that doesn't really jive with the whole free will thing, but really the only thing Satan and his horde does is "lead people away from God." Seriously. That's it. It's like saying your sister who gives your kids candy when you would normally specifically forbid it is evil for so doing.
So honestly, that's to what it comes down. In my cultural milieu, "Good" means "witches, gays, fornicators, and non-christians go to hell, do not pass go, do not collect 200 virtue bucks" and "Evil" means "play with magic, love and fuck who you want without some silly societal construct, and worship how and who you feel is right." "Evil" in my culture is freedom.
Now, before anyone brings up the idea that Satan is to blame for axe murderers, look at how many people kill in the name of God. Look at how many wars are fought in his name in the bible. Look at how many people he himself kills or turns into pillars of salt. Tell me, now, seriously, do you really think that killing has anything to do with what banner you fly? No, people are murderous bastards.
So why do I call myself evil? Or not object when others do? It's because in my culture, I follow he who is known as the greatest evil to exist, even if only spiritually, and even if he's not actually "evil" in any real sense of the word. He doesn't even actually harm your soul, because if sin and Satan caused any actual harm to your soul than wouldn't damnation logically result in a completely destroyed soul, and thus negate the need for a hell? Or the possibility of redemption and salvation?
There's a bit more, though, really. I really hate the whole "good=light, dark=evil" equivocation of western society. That and the very much lesser seen, though certainly still extant "civilization=good, nature=evil" equivocation. I very much like darkness, in preference over light, to be honest, so long as it's not inhibiting what I want to do, and I love nature, I just also love my computer and mp3 player and cell phone. Light and darkness, civilization and nature are crap equivocations for good and evil, because neither scale is completely mutually exclusive. Light and darkness do mix, it's called twilight, and it's entirely possible for a nature lover to be hauling 60 pounds of electronics into the woods, possibly to record it without leaving a trace of himself behind, or to show others how wondrous it can be (Mr.s Stroud, Grylls, Irwin and Cousteau, this is for you.)
Now, in a cultural milieu where Good equals freedom and justice, sign me up for the light brigade, especially if evil equals tyranny, oppression and destruction. And if you're being really edgy, and your evil people are all shiny and "pure" and your good people are varied, eclectic, and possibly bearing traits of certain beasts of the field, I'm even more for it.
Get it now? It's not that I want to destroy the world, or kill all humans, or anything like that (not that I'm not tempted at times... mostly while working retail or driving), it's that I like freedom and true justice, and in the main influence upon my culture, you get a better shake out of those who have horns, than those who have halos.
First, a disclaimer: I'm going to try and keep this coherent. However, it will almost assuredly wind up much less coherent than it seemed in the shower when I was talking to myself.
Why I'm Evil.
It's actually rather simple. And I hate to say it, but it actually can be summed up as rebellion (shot me now, please). My saving grace in this respect, however, is not that it's rebellion against society, or my parents, or my upbringing, or anything like that, but rather institutionalized tyranny. In other words, I'm evil for actual rebellion, even if the thing against which I rebel isn't real.
The thing is that, here in the west, Good is inexorably linked to God, specifically the Abrahamic God, and even more specifically, the Christian God, whom I refer to as the Patriarch.
What this ultimately comes down to is the fact that God represents, to be honest, intolerance, oppression, and tyranny. Look at the bible, and ignore the dead hippie. When you look at what "God, the Father" did, and said, and endorsed (Leviticus!) it is patently wrong. Intolerance of the men and women from the forests who were said to be wise and learned in the ways of magic (witches and pagans), or those who eschewed procreative sex and relationships to be with those they truly loved when their gender was the same. Oppression in the form of dictating what you can do, when, and with whom (and for how many pickles). Oppression of natural desires, which he calls sins, natural desires which would have been placed within us by his creating hand. Tyranny in that it doesn't matter how good you are, as much as whose name in which you do good. A Wiccan who lives their entire life never grievously going against the rules of the church (even insofar as to never actually do magic) and helps people unselfishly, and gives of themselves completely is still doomed to Hell simply because they worshiped the wrong invisible friend.
This is what christianity silently endorses. Sure they say they don't, but if that's true... why do all these things still apply? Moreover, what does Satan and his "evil" legions do in christianity? Well, there's some bullshit about being the source of the world's ills that doesn't really jive with the whole free will thing, but really the only thing Satan and his horde does is "lead people away from God." Seriously. That's it. It's like saying your sister who gives your kids candy when you would normally specifically forbid it is evil for so doing.
So honestly, that's to what it comes down. In my cultural milieu, "Good" means "witches, gays, fornicators, and non-christians go to hell, do not pass go, do not collect 200 virtue bucks" and "Evil" means "play with magic, love and fuck who you want without some silly societal construct, and worship how and who you feel is right." "Evil" in my culture is freedom.
Now, before anyone brings up the idea that Satan is to blame for axe murderers, look at how many people kill in the name of God. Look at how many wars are fought in his name in the bible. Look at how many people he himself kills or turns into pillars of salt. Tell me, now, seriously, do you really think that killing has anything to do with what banner you fly? No, people are murderous bastards.
So why do I call myself evil? Or not object when others do? It's because in my culture, I follow he who is known as the greatest evil to exist, even if only spiritually, and even if he's not actually "evil" in any real sense of the word. He doesn't even actually harm your soul, because if sin and Satan caused any actual harm to your soul than wouldn't damnation logically result in a completely destroyed soul, and thus negate the need for a hell? Or the possibility of redemption and salvation?
There's a bit more, though, really. I really hate the whole "good=light, dark=evil" equivocation of western society. That and the very much lesser seen, though certainly still extant "civilization=good, nature=evil" equivocation. I very much like darkness, in preference over light, to be honest, so long as it's not inhibiting what I want to do, and I love nature, I just also love my computer and mp3 player and cell phone. Light and darkness, civilization and nature are crap equivocations for good and evil, because neither scale is completely mutually exclusive. Light and darkness do mix, it's called twilight, and it's entirely possible for a nature lover to be hauling 60 pounds of electronics into the woods, possibly to record it without leaving a trace of himself behind, or to show others how wondrous it can be (Mr.s Stroud, Grylls, Irwin and Cousteau, this is for you.)
Now, in a cultural milieu where Good equals freedom and justice, sign me up for the light brigade, especially if evil equals tyranny, oppression and destruction. And if you're being really edgy, and your evil people are all shiny and "pure" and your good people are varied, eclectic, and possibly bearing traits of certain beasts of the field, I'm even more for it.
Get it now? It's not that I want to destroy the world, or kill all humans, or anything like that (not that I'm not tempted at times... mostly while working retail or driving), it's that I like freedom and true justice, and in the main influence upon my culture, you get a better shake out of those who have horns, than those who have halos.
On "The Flesh": An Apology
Alright, so, we've talked since I wrote that, and whether you saw it or not, you did say that the flesh is a very small part of things, and that I'm in a really unattractive place and mindset right now. So, in case you've seen the last post, I'm sorry, for summing up your feelings wrongly, for airing such things in a public, albeit empty, forum, for the accusatory tone, and all that. As you well know, I'm frustrated. As you can well guess, I'm sure, I'm touchy and self conscious. None of this is an excuse, merely an explanation. The closest thing to an excuse I can really offer is that I misunderstood, and I generalized, and I projected.
So, again, I'm sorry.
So, again, I'm sorry.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Look past the flesh.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Does this not display one of the biggest, and most important virtues of spirit over flesh? Even for those who do not believe in spirits or souls, it still holds substance. "It's what is inside that counts" may be trite sentiment by now, but again, it has substance.
And yet *you* are hung up on the flesh. *You* admit you're tired of your partners seeing you as just sex. *You* will admit, when I'm an asshole, that yeah, your "type" sucks, on even the most cursory look at the evidence. And yet when I tell you that, for all my jokes and lewd remarks, for all my "two god damned years without sex", I see you as more than sex, or that I will always be there for you, in whatever capacity, you say thank you, and keep your eyes on your type.
You can't see past my self-despised flesh. You can't let us both try something a bit different and see if maybe your declaration of "we wouldn't be right for each other" was wrong.
And you know? You put me in a mind where I just want to carve away the flesh until I stand a much thinner person, gore-built and blood slicked, hoping that someone may finally find me attractive. Not that I'm going to do it, I'm crazy, not insane, but still.
Yes, I have my eyes on several women at the moment. Do you know why I pursue multiple people at once? It's because 9 times out of 10 I'm rejected for my flesh. I've pursued a single person at a time before, and it left me miserable because all my attention and amourous efforts were focused on one person who essentially had a 9:1 chance of rejecting me. It shattered my world that I had devoted myself to someone who just didn't want me. So now I pursue many targets in the hopes of catching one. So sue me.
Just... fucking look past the flesh. Look past the interests, and past the personality. Look for devotion, and the ability to love. You'll be happier in the end, even I'm still not. But... fucking satan help me, I'd rather *you* be happy at the cost of my own happiness, than unhappy regardless of my own.
Does this not display one of the biggest, and most important virtues of spirit over flesh? Even for those who do not believe in spirits or souls, it still holds substance. "It's what is inside that counts" may be trite sentiment by now, but again, it has substance.
And yet *you* are hung up on the flesh. *You* admit you're tired of your partners seeing you as just sex. *You* will admit, when I'm an asshole, that yeah, your "type" sucks, on even the most cursory look at the evidence. And yet when I tell you that, for all my jokes and lewd remarks, for all my "two god damned years without sex", I see you as more than sex, or that I will always be there for you, in whatever capacity, you say thank you, and keep your eyes on your type.
You can't see past my self-despised flesh. You can't let us both try something a bit different and see if maybe your declaration of "we wouldn't be right for each other" was wrong.
And you know? You put me in a mind where I just want to carve away the flesh until I stand a much thinner person, gore-built and blood slicked, hoping that someone may finally find me attractive. Not that I'm going to do it, I'm crazy, not insane, but still.
Yes, I have my eyes on several women at the moment. Do you know why I pursue multiple people at once? It's because 9 times out of 10 I'm rejected for my flesh. I've pursued a single person at a time before, and it left me miserable because all my attention and amourous efforts were focused on one person who essentially had a 9:1 chance of rejecting me. It shattered my world that I had devoted myself to someone who just didn't want me. So now I pursue many targets in the hopes of catching one. So sue me.
Just... fucking look past the flesh. Look past the interests, and past the personality. Look for devotion, and the ability to love. You'll be happier in the end, even I'm still not. But... fucking satan help me, I'd rather *you* be happy at the cost of my own happiness, than unhappy regardless of my own.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Appatheism
So... today was crap. Between a 1am plague of insecurities and inadequacies last night as I tried to go to bed, getting about 4 hours of sleep before class, shooting shitty in Archery, and random politics based crap drama, today was not a good day. But it brought about some random "religious discussion" with my mother, because that's her panacea. I mean, she uses modern medicine, she's not a christian scientist, but for emotional issues and shit, she basically prescribes "believe in three gods in one and call me in the morning."
And the thing is, I'm basically an apatheist, ie, I don't care about what's "true" as far as gods and metaphysics and religion and higher powers are concerned.
But, being the person I am, I cannot help, when I think about apatheism, but immediately think of Appa-theism, which would be the worship of the giant, six limbed flying bison from Avatar the Last Airbender. And when I think of a religion centered around that, I can't help but smile. Kind of like... well, like normal people and their religious delusions, when they count themselves amongst their god's brownie point people. The differences are that, a, I don't believe in a giant flying bison, b, I certainly don't believe he created humans, or anything for that matter, c, the god of Appatheism wants nothing but to be fed and maybe brushed on a roughly daily basis, and in return will be friendly, loyal, and protective, and d, you'd be really hard pressed to justify any atrocities in the name of a flying cartoon bison.
Oh, and secret benefit e, Appa doesn't make you feel guilty for wanting to bang an attractive passerby/eat an extra piece of cake/take a swing at an idiot/whatever.
I'm still not religious, but if the main purpose, from a basic functional standpoint, of religion is to provide contentment... hey, it works, eh?
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